Understanding and Unwinding Relationship Anxiety and Insecure Attachment
Relationship Anxiety Isn’t Necessarily Your Fault
Relationship anxiety can make even a promising connection feel shaky. One minute things feel great, and the next your mind is spiraling with “Are they pulling away?” or “Did I say something wrong?” If you’ve ever found yourself overthinking texts, worrying about being too much, or needing reassurance just to feel settled, you are definitely not alone. So many people in West Los Angeles, specifically, feel overwhelmed by dating because it’s become too common to take hours to respond to texts or be under the impression that we have countless choices for partners - likely because of dating apps! It’s rare to find a connection where there are no games and respectful, timely communication just happens. This is where therapy for relationship anxiety comes into play. Dating insecurity and relationship anxiety quickly impacts confidence, connection and the ability to actually enjoy a relationship.
Most of the time, relationship anxiety is not coming out of nowhere. It’s usually tied back to older attachment patterns and the ways you learned to cope long before adulthood.
Let’s talk about what is going on underneath the anxiety and how therapy can help you feel more secure.
What Relationship Anxiety Feels Like Day to Day
Relationship anxiety shows up in a lot of tiny moments that add up. You might notice:
Worrying a partner might pull away
Feeling thrown off by a delayed reply
Overthinking conversations
Wanting closeness but feeling uncomfortable when you get it
Struggling to trust even when things are going well
Feeling panicked during conflict or distance
It can feel frustrating because logically you might know everything is fine, but your body is reacting as through there is a real threat. That disconnect is a sign that attachment patterns are involved.
How Insecure Attachment Creates Relationship Anxiety
Attachment patterns form early in life. If your caregivers were inconsistent, unpredictable or emotionally unavailable, your nervous system learned to stay on alert because we have natural needs that would ideally be met by them.
That can show up later as:
Fear of abandonment
Difficulty trusting others
Hyper-awareness of tone or distance
Anxiety when things feel uncertain
Difficulty staying grounded in conflict
None of this means you did anything wrong. It means your body and brain adapted to earlier experiences to keep you safe. The problem is those adaptations do not work well in adult relationships.
When anxiety is tied to insecure attachment, it becomes more than a thought spiral. It is a nervous system response.
Why Therapy Helps with Relationship Anxiety
Therapy gives you space to slow down, understand where the fear is coming from, and learn to respond rather than react. At Serotonin Psychotherapy Practice in West Los Angeles, a lot of clients start by saying they want closeness but feel anxious if/when they get it. Or, they want security but do not know how to feel it consistently.
Therapy helps you:
• Understand the roots of your patterns
Old beliefs like “I will be left” or “I have to earn love” can quietly shape how you show up in relationships.
• Calm your nervous system
A lot of relationship anxiety is a body response. Therapy helps you regulate so you can stay grounded.
• Learn healthier communication
Instead of over-explaining or shutting down, you learn how to express needs without fear.
• Build secure attachment from within
Even if secure attachment did not happen growing up, you can absolutely build it as an adult with consistency and support.
Signs You Might Benefit from Support
You might find therapy helpful if you notice:
Fear your partner will lose interest
Difficulty trusting someone who cares about you
Feeling triggered by small changes in a partner’s tone
Replaying arguments or interactions
Feeling anxious even in a healthy relationship
Worrying you are too much
Pulling away to protect yourself
These are not character flaws. They are signals that something inside you needs support, safety, and clarity.
Healing Insecure Attachment and Becoming More Secure
Healing insecure attachment is absolutely possible. It is not about becoming perfect or anxiety-free. It is about knowing why you react the way you do and learning how to feel safe in yourself and your relationships.
In therapy you learn how to:
Communicate your needs clearly
Trust your intuition instead of fear
Understand your triggers
Build internal safety
Slow down instead of spiraling
Strengthen your sense of self
Create healthier relationship patterns
The goal is not to avoid relationships or overcorrect. The goal is to feel stable, cared for, and grounded so relationships feel supportive instead of stressful.
Therapy for Relationship Anxiety in West Los Angeles
If relationship anxiety has been taking up too much space in your life, we can work together to understand and unwind old patterns and behaviors that are limiting you. At Serotonin Psychotherapy Practice, I help young adults and millennials across West Los Angeles, including Sawtelle, Santa Monica, Brentwood, Mar Vista, Venice, and the UCLA area understand their patterns and build more secure, connected relationships.
You deserve to feel safe in love. You deserve relationships that feel calm, steady, and supportive.
If you’re ready to explore your attachment patterns or get support for relationship anxiety, I would love to help you get grounded again. Click here to message me for a free 15 minute consultation call.